[[Awake and dreaming - Finger Eleven]]

I was trying to tweak my template a little during work when my boss walked in. In my haste to shut the window, I screwed up my entries. Bloody poo.

It amazes me that no one has commented on the fact that I am always surfing the net during work hours. And because filing can be soooo bloody mundane, I brought some CDs along to work. So far, my boss has caught me laughing out loud while chatting with Shazila on web MSN, headbanging and mouthing the lyrics to Yellowcard's Way Away, and cooing sweet nothings to Alfiean on the phone.

I wonder why I haven't been fired yet. -_-'

I met the ex on Sunday because I was going to Joline's house and he to Chin Tuan's. I was listening to him talk about how girls in his school found him desirable despite him not giving a shit about his appearance. He's also two-timing his current girlfriend, S, with a girl from his school called A. He showed me her picture and I even talked to both A and S on the phone.

S is the crazy baboon-looking girl that he passed me up for. And I was under the impression that he was serious about her because he brought her home to meet his family and his entire family adores her.

When I asked him whether he was serious about any of them, he said he wanted to marry S and that he loved her very much.

Now that bloody infuriated me. Yes, I know I've spoken ill of her in the past but I cannot help but feel sympathy for her. I too once loved him but how can he treat someone he "loves" to that extent? Why is he cheating on her when he calls her "the perfect girlfriend"?

The thing that puzzles me is, A is a smart and pretty girl. And A knows about S whereas S is blissfully ignorant. And A is alright with being the 2nd girlfriend. A is alright with being "the other woman". A is content playing second fiddle.

Does love mess with our brains so much that we throw away our pride and dignity? How can these girls stand for it?!

And as I listened to him boasting about how he didn't even have to put in effort in getting girls, all I wanted to do was bashhisheadintoabloodypulpandstranglehimtillhefuckingdies. It saddened me immensely that the tender boyfriend whose kisses I was mad about was gone. Not too long ago, I even harboured dreams about being the one who would rescue him and set him back on the straight path.

And now, I see that no one, not even S, can do that. His life is so swamped with lies that he's headed for self-destruction. And despite what he's done to me, I can't stand seeing him in pain.

I'm just hoping that he realises what he's doing before its too late. Pride cometh before a fall.

And he's headed for a nasty one.